In the beginning was the Word. Such a powerful yet simple
phrase. And yet, during my experience, I
was incredibly present to the duality of this, as another statement kept
ringing in my thoughts: too many words….
Our only truth is touch. That was incredibly fascinating and revealing to me, I
became present to the futility, the ephemeral nature of words, as if speaking
in itself was a way to create separation, rather than connection. That only
through physical contact, a hug, an energetic connection to the other, do we
really tell the truth to each other. Hugs cannot lie, they tell all.
The scope of this washed over me like a cold current, how we
now live in a world that has not only mandated us to physically disconnect with
each other, but that has conditioned what could be described as a gag reflex at
the mere thought of physical proximity.
The greatest tragedy of this era is also the most disregarded, ignored,
dismissed. Our vitality, our energy, our life force is intimately related to
our ability to physically connect with each other. I can actually feel the pain of this lack of
touch, how I actually have difficulty connecting and trusting people that are
afraid to touch. My intellect knows
better, that some people just don’t like being touched, but my inner core being
wants to just run away, not to associate with people that have a fight or
flight reaction to even energetic proximity….
Wow this page is much harder to write than the previous one,
I actually have a latent anxiety in the middle of my chest, as if I feel I have
to “watch” my words somehow. What am I afraid of right now? I think I’m present to the challenge of
putting actual words to an idea that dismisses them. Hmm, my male conditioning also feels awkward
talking about my desperate need for hugs and physical contact, that’s not very
manly of me, is it? How do I even explain this? Where are the double-blind
studies demonstrating the effectiveness of hugs to health and well being… uuuggghhhhh.
So tired of hearing this. Too many damn words, too many words. I have been observing myself, how everytime I
want to open my mouth, there is some underlying need, or reason, to do so. To
feel important, to be right, to be validated, to gain trust, love, approval, to
avoid feeling rejected, fear, pain, doubt, etc… the list is endless.
I was lying there with my eyes closed, still into the experience, and I could hear others speaking, and it felt so incredibly futile. Why are they speaking? Why not just hug, and hold the space? It felt so totally empty and meaningless to fill the space with words, sounds, noise. I actually gave a powerful hug to someone yesterday, and that lady told me it was the FIRST hug she got from a non-immediate family member since the beginning of this. I was flattered, and sad for her at the same time.
Damn I just saw that I don’t have that many words in this
page… I have to make it longer…. But why?
For you to like me more, to want to keep on reading tomorrow, to not get
disapproval, to get good comments…. You see? All these thoughts,fears and insecurities
want to bring on more words, more text, more “filler”. What if 500 words was enough for today? I’m
smiling now, as I get these glimpses that its all ok, whatever I choose to do.
My task for the day, hug more, listen, talk less.
PS: I just got goose bumps, and realized how incredibly important it was for me to hold my newborn son, skin to skin... and to listen to his first sounds....
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